


The Rain Has Gone

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Related: insideman, First Times, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:57:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Confession. Rejection. Reconciliation. 'Nuff said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rain Has Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I'm grateful to Heidi and Elizabeth for reading the story and pointing out some of the flaws. (I should have known that Blair can't bend that way!) Canadian spelling is in effect. Opinions? Feedback of all kinds is welcome.

## The Rain Has Gone

by Yolanda

* * *

Monday Night 

Jim added another pair of weights to the bar, hoping that doing a harder workout now would let him sleep tonight. Would let him forget what he had told Blair the previous night, if only for a few hours. He started pumping. Perhaps not. 

By the time he was finished, he'd managed to add an hour to his workout. That, combined with the overtime he'd put in that afternoon at work, probably meant that Blair would be asleep early or well into whatever work he'd brought home. 

Opening the door to the loft, Jim listened for Blair's heartbeat, but it wasn't there. There was, however, what looked like a full meal on the dining table. 

"Oh, shit." //Did Blair need to have a date the day after Jim's revelations? Was his partner trying to prove his masculinity, his heterosexuality?// Jim felt an ache in his chest, but ignored it. He knew it wouldn't go away soon, but he also knew that it would subside, eventually. He hoped it would be soon. 

After taking a shower to wash off his own smell, he headed up the stairs to his bed. 

* * *

Jim was swimming in a lake. It had been an easy swim out to the little dock, and he and Blair had decided to race out a little further. He could hear Blair swimming strongly just behind him. He hadn't known that Blair was such a good swimmer. He slowed a little and treaded water, waiting for Blair to catch up. "I think I win the race, Chief." He gave the other man a wet grin. 

"Yeah, you win. But I've got another idea right now. Let's see how long you can tread water." 

"I can do that forever, Blair." 

"Oh yeah?" Blair put his arms around Jim's shoulders and wrapped his legs around Jim's waist. Their mouths met in a kiss as fiery as the glacier-fed lake was cold. While Jim's arms were keeping them afloat, Blair's hands were roaming downwards, finding their way to Jim's swimming trunks, sliding the trunks down his hips. 

"That's not going to distract me, Chief. I can still win this contest." 

"I'm not done yet." Blair nibbled his way along Jim's neck, then gulped some air and dove under the water. A second later, Jim felt Blair's mouth engulf his cock. The sensation was unique, hot one moment, cold the next. He was aroused despite himself. And then the movement stopped. He couldn't feel Blair's touch under the water. Startled, he dove and caught the other man's limp arm. 

* * *

The ringing cell phone was a welcome interruption to Jim's nightmare. He reached out for it. "Ellison." 

"Jim, it's Simon. I need you to be at the docks this morning. It's the Lazar stakeout. Bring the kid." 

"See you there." Jim hung up the phone and grabbed his robe. 

He knocked on Blair's door on his way to the bathroom. "Hey Chief, Simon wants us at the docks this morning. Can you be ready in 30?" He went off for his shower before an answer could be made. The ache in his chest was still there, and he knew that Blair's voice might exacerbate the hurt. 

Jim managed to avoid Blair while they both showered and dressed. While Jim was in the shower, Blair was making coffee. When Blair was running through what was left of the hot water, Jim was having his coffee and getting dressed. The drive to the docks was short and silent. 

Jim was being briefed by the agents in the trailer when he heard Blair ask, "Who's that?" He turned to see the screen and wasn't surprised when the tech replied, "That's Michelle Lazar." 

//A beautiful woman, of course.// That didn't surprise Jim. The ache in his chest reasserted itself but this time, it seemed easier to ignore. He left the trailer. "Let's go, Chief." 

Jim could only remember flashes of the rest of the day. He knew that he'd saved the younger Lazar's life. He remembered that Michelle Lazar had taken him to lunch and her father-in-law had invited him to work for the family. He recalled accepting the offer, and then telling Simon and Blair that he was going in undercover. There was a funny look on Blair's face, but he didn't have the time to figure it out just then. By the time the day was over, he was sleeping in a bed in the Lazar household. 

Jim had a minor disagreement with his pillow and then lay back onto it. He stretched his hands behind his neck and tried to fall asleep. Against his will, his mind wandered back to the previous weekend. 

* * *

Saturday Night 

"So how long have you been in love with your partner?" Elaine cocked her head at Jim. 

"Me?" Jim was surprised. "I'm not ... " 

She interrupted. "Don't deny it, Jim. You've been talking about him all day. Every time I ask you something, his name seems to come up in the conversation. It's ok, Jim. Really." 

Jim was bemused. He thought he'd hidden his feelings for Blair quite well. Obviously, Elaine was a lot more perceptive than he'd expected. 

Elaine continued, "I think he feels the same for you, Jim. He never took his eyes off you whenever I saw the two of you together at the station. And the two of you looked so cute together when you were cooking dinner in your kitchen. Nice apron, by the way." 

Jim considered another denial, then decided against it. "You think so?" 

"Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it. So why don't we finish this conversation, get some sleep, and head back to town early in the morning." She rolled over in her sleeping bag. 

Her muffled voice emerged a few seconds later. "You know, this has been a good camping trip. We should do it again. Next time, bring Blair." 

Jim lay back and grinned. "Yeah, I think I will." He wasn't sure if Elaine was right, but he hoped that she was. 

They packed up the tent in the damp morning and decided to catch breakfast on the way back to Cascade. Jim dropped Elaine off at her home and headed to the loft. It was turning into a sunny fall day in the Pacific Northwest \-- a moderately rare event, and one guaranteed to put everyone into a cheerful mood. 

When he let himself into the loft, Jim could hear Blair still snuffling softly into his pillow. It was about eleven o'clock. Blair must have been up late the previous night, to still be asleep now. He puttered around the apartment contentedly, adding some dirty clothes to the laundry hamper, making some coffee and settling down to see if there were any games on TV. 

Blair was up soon after the smell of coffee had filled the loft. Jim had heard him getting out of bed, and was ready to pass him a cup of coffee as soon as he came out of his bedroom. 

"Good morning, Chief!" Jim grinned at Blair. "Had a good night last night?" 

"Actually, no. One of my failing students got our phone number somehow. She called last night, and I had to give her a private catch-up lesson over the phone." Blair rubbed at his eyes. "The phone call started at midnight. By the time she'd stopped crying, it was two. And then I spent another hour trying to get her to understand the difference between animism, animatism and totemism." He shook his head. "I'm getting too old for these hours." 

Jim grinned. "Well, at least you were home in bed, rather than on a stakeout somewhere. Or in a cold damp tent." 

Blair raised one eyebrow speculatively. In a suggestive tone, he asked, "Yeah, but what were you doing in the tent? Or did nothing happen, and that's why you're home so early?" He changed the subject tactfully. "So what are you up to for the day?" 

"Not much. Thought I'd wash the truck. It's a beautiful day -- do you want to go for a hike somewhere?" Jim wanted to get Blair alone for the day. To talk to him. To see if Elaine was right. "No tests." 

"Sounds great. After last night, I don't want to think about school for at least the next 20 hours." 

Blair helped Jim wash the truck before they drove up to one of the large local parks. The first part of the hike was flat but soon went uphill into one of the mountains in the Cascade range. The air was cool and damp under the trees, but the sun, where it made it through the thick evergreens, was warm on their heads. 

They were past the treeline and into the alpine meadows before Jim realized that they'd been walking and talking for a couple of hours. Being with Blair felt so right, so comfortable. And Blair walked so close to him. He'd noticed it before, but usually only at the station, or in places where Blair was uneasy. He'd been happy to let the other man into his personal space at those times. He felt it was the least he could do to help Blair adjust to the constricted life of a police observer. His friend had given up his footloose globetrotting lifestyle for him; a little of his own personal space wasn't much to give up for his friend. 

But they were walking on a wide trail now, with nobody around for miles, and Blair was still at his side. Bumping against him occasionally, reaching out to touch him occasionally to press a point of conversation. Maybe Elaine was right. 

"Earth to Jim. Come in, Jim." Blair's voice cut through his thoughts. "Are you there, man?" His arm went out to Jim's shoulder. 

Jim smiled at the other man. "Yeah, I'm ok. Just thinking about something Elaine said last night." 

"Oh yeah -- how was your camping trip? And just how small was the tent you were sharing?" Blair grinned at Jim. 

"Nothing happened, Chief, if that's what you're asking. She was good company, but we agreed early that there was no chemistry between us." Jim felt like he had to confess all to Blair. "It's not that she's not attractive. It's just that there was something missing, and we both felt that. Anyway, she wants to go camping again, and she wants you to come too, next time. The fishing was very good, by the way." 

"Well, maybe it was the stress of spending all that time together on the poachers' ship. You know, life-threatening tension does tend to bring people together." Blair stopped for a breath. 

They'd hit a rocky patch in their hike. There was a bright orange trail ribbon at the bottom of the rockslide, and Jim could see its partner at the top of the pile of rocks, about 50 feet straight up. There were few words said as they climbed their way up to the top. Jim's longer legs and arms took him over most of the larger boulders, but he stopped occasionally to help Blair up. There was a spectacular view of the valley from the top of the rockslide, and they stopped to admire it, and to bask in the sun for a few minutes. 

"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way." Blair sang cheerfully. 

Jim smiled at the other man. He'd stripped off his sweatshirt and was lying on his back beside Blair. "This is the life, isn't it, Blair?" He realized suddenly that he was happy. Joyously happy, in a way that he couldn't remember ever feeling. He loved the man beside him, unreservedly, unstintingly. There was a pleasant ache in his chest and all was right with the world. 

"Yeah, this is paradise." Blair reached for his water bottle. "My best friend beside me, no undergraduates in sight, and no rain for at least a couple of hours. Can't complain, man." 

Jim could hear his partner's heartbeat slow down as his body relaxed from the exertion of the climb. He nudged Blair with his elbow. "Hey, don't go to sleep on me, Chief. We've still got to get back to the truck before it gets dark." 

"Yeah, but the trip down will be much faster than the climb up. So we can take at least twenty minutes here, and then start back." Once again, Blair's matter-of-fact logic overcame Jim's urge to be _doing_ something. Maybe relaxing on this rock was a good idea, after all. And there wasn't anywhere else he'd rather be. 

"It's good to have times like this, isn't it Jim? No bad guys, no guns, no bombs." Blair was obviously in a reflective mood. 

"Yeah, it kinda reminds me of why I live in Cascade. Makes up for the rain and spit and mist and all the other thousand words for precipitation around here." 

"Can I tell you something?" 

"Sure, anything." 

"Last week, when they took you away on the boat -- that's the part of the rollercoaster that I hate. When the car goes down and it feels like your stomach's been left behind at the top of the ride. You were being taken away, and I wasn't sure if you'd be alive when I saw you next. I hate that part, man." 

Jim rolled over to look at Blair. The other man was lying on his back with his eyes closed. Jim insinuated his hand under Blair's crossed arms and rubbed against the other man's chest. "You won't ever lose me. And I won't let you fall off the ride, either." 

Blair's eyes opened. "J - Jim?" 

Jim leaned over. And kissed Blair. On the lips. All senses full ahead. There was a warmth on Jim's lips, which joined with the warm ache in his chest. He could smell his partner's mild cologne, feel the stubble on his cheek. But there was something wrong. His partner wasn't responding to the kiss. Jim pulled away abruptly. 

"What was that, man?" Blair sounded surprised. 

//I don't know. What do you want it to be?// Noncommittal words rang through Jim's head, but he couldn't choose which ones to use. The sound of Blair's heart echoed in his ears, and the scent of Blair's hair was making him a little crazy. He disengaged his hand. 

"Sorry, man. Had a bit of a zone-out, I think. Did something happen?" //Have to control myself. Love this man. Don't want to lose him. Don't hurt Blair. But I've already let him in. What if he hurts me? Who's more important here? Shut down. Process it later. Much later. Maybe never.// 

"Let's head back home, Blair." Jim thought that his voice was remarkably calm, given the chaos in his head. 

"Are you ok, man?" Blair's voice was concerned, worried. 

"Yeah, but I'm getting hungry. Let's get home and make dinner." Jim knew that he was good at avoiding emotional complications. He'd had lots of practice, with Carolyn. And even if Blair wasn't interested in him physically, Jim thought he could settle for companionship. For the deepest friendship of his life. 

Blair kept on trying to make conversation during the walk back, but Jim's long legs took him ahead of the smaller man. He kept an ear on Blair's progress along the trail, but managed to avoid any serious attempts at explaining himself until they were both back in the truck. 

"Look, Chief. I'm ok. Let's talk about it after dinner. You can run all the tests you want on me then." Blair seemed to accept that request, and they listened to the Jags game on the radio while Jim drove back to the loft. 

Dinner preparations and consumption went by faster than Jim had hoped, and the promised moment of truth was upon them. Blair sat down beside Jim on the couch. 

"Hey Jim, what kind of zone-out was that this afternoon? There was only you and me, and the rocks and all of mother nature around us. What were you focusing on so hard?" 

//Was it true confessions time already? Was he ready to do this? What the hell.// "Blair, I wasn't zoning. I was trying to make you feel better. I forgot who you were, who I am. I was touching you, and it felt right to kiss you. So I did." 

"Wait a minute, what are you telling me here. That you're not straight? That you're attracted to me?" Blair's customary rush of words comforted Jim in an odd way. At least Blair was still babbling, at least they were still talking. 

Blair continued, "Cuz I gotta tell you, I've never thought about us that way before. I mean, I love you man, but as a friend." A hand reached out to Jim, but was pulled back. "Does it change anything, now that you've told me this? Can we go back?" 

"Yeah, we can go back. Partners?" //Don't leave me. Not yet. Let me rebuild some of my walls first.// 

"Partners." Blair's hand reached out again to touch Jim's shoulder. "And friends?" 

Jim nodded. 

* * *

Thursday 

How had things gone so wrong so quickly? Working for the Lazar family was stressful, but Jim had been pleased that it kept his thoughts off his relationship with Blair. Trying to figure out the interpersonal dynamics of the Lazar family was much easier than trying to figure out how to continue working with his partner. Yeah, it was dangerous, but that was a familiar tension, one which he had often welcomed into his life. 

And then Michelle Lazar had shown up in his bedroom last night. What she wanted had been obvious even to someone without Sentinel abilities. And Jim had given it to her. It hadn't been love. Hadn't even been lust. Hell, this wasn't even a Vice operation where things like that sometimes happened. He didn't have to sleep with her, but it had been something she needed. And if he looked hard at himself, he had to admit that it was something he needed, too. A rebound, to get over Blair. The affirmation that there might be someone else besides Blair in the world. Blair doesn't want me. But Michelle did. 

But then Jim saw Blair at the station. And Blair was staring hungrily at him. And then Blair was at the Lazar house, too, installed as the boy's tutor. Jim didn't want Blair to go undercover. It was too dangerous. And he'd be too close. Jim didn't want to have any intimate conversations with Blair for a while. A few days, a few months, maybe even longer. 

It was difficult to watch out for Blair while still avoiding him -- the thugs in the Lazar household were suspicious of anyone new -- but Jim managed to do it. And then the entire difficult situation was over. Michelle's husband returned, Michelle's son refused to shoot Jim, and Michelle said a final goodbye to Jim as she departed for the witness protection program. 

When they got to his truck, Jim was still dripping from his dip in the pool. Blair shed one of his oversized shirts and offered it to the bigger man. "Here, take this. You can give it back to me when we get home." 

Being alone with Blair was still comforting. Still felt right. The drive home was companionable, as they chatted about inconsequentialities and the weather. By unspoken mutual agreement, they didn't talk about the Lazar family or what had happened when they'd been uncovered. 

Jim took a hot shower. //Maybe this friendship thing would work after all. It's certainly a lot less complicated than a relationship. And if Blair ever changed his mind ... no ... don't go there. It's a bad idea to hope. Hope leads to broken walls. And broken walls mean pain. Just stick with friendship, Jim. It's the best you can get, it's the most you should want.// He turned up the hot water, letting it wash the Lazar family away, letting the heat drive all thoughts from his mind. 

When Jim emerged from the bathroom, Blair was waiting for him. Steam rolled out of the bathroom and into the loft. The younger man looked determined, upset. 

Jim was concerned. "What's wrong, Blair?" 

"Jim, last weekend ... I was wrong. And I have to tell you now, when I've got my courage together. I can't tell you how I felt when I realized that you might get shot. And that I'd never told you how much I need you. How much you're a part of me." Blair's voice was shaky but strong. "I couldn't leave you thinking that I didn't want everything you want to share with me." 

Blair wasn't meeting his eyes, so Jim reached out to cup his chin and lift his head. "Blair," he started softly, "Have I ever told you that you talk too much?" 

"Wait, let me finish. I realized all this on Sunday night, but it was too late by then. So I came home early on Monday to make us dinner and confess. But you never came home. So I left. I couldn't face the empty apartment, I couldn't face the mess I'd made of our life." Blair was getting hoarse. "Jim, I haven't been able to do anything but think of you all week." His hand came up to hold Jim's wrist. "And it's been a long week without you." 

Jim saw pain in Blair's eyes. He said, "I'm sorry for the last week. It should never have happened." He pulled the other man into his still-damp chest and buried his face and hands in his partner's hair. "Can we start over?" 

Blair nodded. "Yeah. We have to. I can't take another week like the last one." 

"Where do you want to take it from here?" The ache in Jim's chest was suddenly back in full force. //I'm going to let you guide me, Blair. I can't read your mind. I don't want to do anything that might change ...// 

Blair's hands interrupted Jim's thoughts, wrapping themselves around Jim's head and pulling it down. Their first kiss was a tentative promise, but it was almost enough to overload Jim's senses. He led Blair to the couch. If he was going to zone out on his partner, he'd rather be sitting down. And besides, sitting was going to be easier on both their necks. 

Blair's hands were trembling as he touched Jim's bare chest, closing the circuit between them. 

"Are you all right with this, Blair? We can slow down." //But tell me now, when I can still think straight.// 

"I'm ok. I just can't believe I'm doing this." He captured one of Jim's hands between both of his own and touched each finger to his lips. "You surprised me last weekend. I'd never thought about it before. Not with you, not with any guy." 

"Then what made you change your mind?" Jim was going slightly mad with the sensations that Blair's lips were sending through his fingers. 

"You." Blair took a finger into his mouth. And nibbled on the fingertip on the way out. "I got teased a lot when I was growing up, Jim. A lot of people figured I was gay. And I thought that if I was secure in my heterosexuality, then it didn't matter what anyone else thought." He blew on Jim's finger, sending cool air over heated nerves. "And then you showed me your heart last week. That was the bravest thing I've ever seen you do." 

He met Jim's eyes. "And I turned you down." Almost unconsciously, he continued to rub Jim's fingers. "I spent the night thinking about what you mean to me, how much I care for you. And then I realized that I wanted to touch you. That I wanted to kiss you. That thinking about you turned me on. I realized that I love you, Jim Ellison. In every way. Je t'adore, mon ami." 

Jim pulled Blair in for another tight hug. Their second kiss was an eager exploration. Tongues were sent out to foreign territory, and returned with tales of secret treasures and wondrous rewards. Hands touched and rubbed, tickled and tormented. 

Jim's hands were reaching tentatively under Blair's shirt when Blair objected, "You're being too careful with me, man. I won't break, you know." He pulled off his shirt in an oddly graceful motion. 

"I don't want to hurt you, Blair." 

"You couldn't hurt me, Jim. I'm not very fragile. You should know that, after all you've put me through." Blair closed the gap between them, straddling Jim's thighs. "And I'm not afraid of you. Of anything you might do to me. Of anything we might do together." 

Their third kiss was fiery and explosive. There were more kisses, each more primal than the last, and a descent into wordlessness. 

Jim could not remember, afterwards, the exact order of events, just the feelings and sensations. Pawing awkwardly at Blair's belt, which had suddenly become a complicated piece of technology. The scent of desire, so strong that it had become a flavour against the back of his throat. The taste of Blair's sweat. The heat from Blair's skin. The moist warmth of Blair's breath against his thigh. //And when did my towel go away?// And then Blair's clever tongue licking at his cock, Blair's mouth engulfing him, swallowing him whole. His own convulsions as he came uncontrollably, his hands locked in Blair's hair. 

Realizing that there was more pleasure to come. Laying Blair across the couch and tasting every part of him. Sweet mouth, salty sweat. Blair's moans filling the air. Blair's chest hairs tickling his nose. Running his teeth along Blair's cock, hearing Blair find pleasure in the pain. Blair's hands over his head now, grasping blindly, moving hungrily. Focusing on the muscles in Blair's thighs as Blair orgasmed. Swallowing, tasting, loving. Rising up to cover the smaller man with his own body. Holding each other tightly, needfully. A slow return to conscious thought. 

"Ah, Blair, what you do to me." Jim was suddenly shy, after their intimacy. He realized where he was, sprawled over Blair, pinning him to the couch. "Am I too heavy for you?" 

"No, this feels good. I told you, Jim. You couldn't hurt me." Blair grinned. "And you can't get rid of me. Not now. Not ever." 

Jim took a good look at his partner and laughed. There were bits of drying semen in his hair. He reached for the towel and wiped them away. 

"You do clean up quite well. I think I'll keep you. Partner." 

"Lover," Blair teased. 

"Yeah, that too. Love you, buddy. Always." The ache in Jim's chest promised to become a permanent pleasure. 

"Always." Blair pulled Jim to his chest, and wriggled until both were comfortably wrapped around each other on the couch. 

Blair had started the stereo while Jim had been in the shower. It had played through the whole CD and clicked over, starting again at the first track. 

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone  
I can see all obstacles in my way  
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind  
It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day 

I think I can make it now the pain has gone  
And all of the bad feelings have disappeared  
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for  
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day 

Look all around there's nothing but blue skies  
Look straight ahead nothing but blue skies 

/fin d'histoire/ 

* * *

Song credit: I Can See Clearly Now -- my favourite version is by the Holly Cole Trio. Rich jazz, thick suggestive voice (You should hear her do "Santa Baby!") Mmm. Music to write slash by. 


End file.
